The UConn Sexperts
Student Health and Wellness is home to The UConn Sexperts, a paid peer health education program composed of 8 highly dedicated students who are passionate about promoting sexual health on the UConn campus.
The UConn Sexperts' office is located in South Campus, Wilson Hall, room 106 (new location for Spring 2025!)
Our Mission
To provide UConn students with education, resources, and opportunities to have open and honest conversations about sex and sexuality - so they feel comfortable and empowered to make informed decisions regarding sex.
Our Vision
A sex-positive campus where sexual health education and services can be accessed without fear, stigma, or shame.
Our Values
Honesty
- We ensure the delivery of accurate, current, culturally competent health information.
- We do not let our personal opinions interfere with our interactions or the delivery of the content.
- We utilize and rely on open and direct communication.
Respect
- We honor and respect people's decisions & choices about their sexual health and sexuality.
- We view sexual health through a social-justice lens, and prioritize diversity, equity, and inclusion in all facets of our work.
- We practice cultural humility and recognize differing needs based on our unique and intersecting identities.
- We uphold individuals' right to privacy.
Support
- We build supportive relationships with those we are helping.
- We hold space for others to be themselves, to share freely and to ask questions.
- We create and respect boundaries and individual needs throughout the educational process.
- We deliver content in an approachable way that is easy to understand and apply.
Autonomy
- We believe sexual health is a human right, and a core component of our overall health & well-being.
- We believe that individuals know themselves and their bodies best – that they have personal agency to make the best choices for themselves.
- We will never compromise autonomy – we put bodily integrity, and freedom to define sexuality and make choices about our bodies without coercion or violence at the forefront of our work.
- We celebrate the expressions of our unique sexualities and view those expressions as forms of liberation.
Our Programs & Initiatives
What's gloveBOX? gloveBOX is UConn's free condom distribution program! Launched in 2019, gloveBOX has shipped thousands of free boxes containing condoms, dental dams, and lubrication to students across campus. With six different types of boxes, students can order a box that fits their needs, with options to customize based on style, size, and material. To learn more about gloveBOX, order a box, and access educational materials about sexual health, click here!
Sex can be hard to talk about! We’re here to make things easy by providing an anonymous and judgement-free space for you to ask any sex-related questions you have. All you have to do is fill out the form with your question, and we’ll do our best to answer your question on our website! (we will remove any identifying information before we post it publicly!)
*Please note that this is student-run program. Ability to provide responses on a regular basis is dependent on staffing. If you are in need of a timely response, please email Cassy Setzler at cassy@uconn.edu with your question.
*Please note that this form is for educational purposes only, and not for individualized medical advice. We encourage all students with specific questions about their sexual health (i.e. are experiencing symptoms, are concerned about potential pregnancy/exposure to STIs, etc.) to make an appointment with a medical provider by clicking here. If you are experiencing an emergency or mental health crisis, please call 911. This form will not trigger an immediate response. Additionally, submissions to this form do not constitute notice to the University regarding Prohibited Conduct under the Policy Against Discrimination, Harassment, and Related Interpersonal Violence. If you've experienced a sexual harassment, sexual assault, stalking, or intimate partner violence, we encourage you to seek support. If you'd like more information about support resources and reporting options, please click here. Remember, it is NOT your fault and you are NOT alone.
Thank you so much for asking this question. You are not alone!
Many people experience difficulties orgasming with a partner, while others are unable to orgasm from penetrative sex. The good news is there are solutions, so let’s dive in:
One way to get to know what type of touch feels good for you during sex is through masturbation. Masturbation is completely normal, healthy, AND has great health benefits (like stress reduction). Not only that, but it gives you an opportunity to figure out what you like and what feels good. You can experiment with different types of touch, whether it’s through manual stimulation (using your hands), or using toys, such as vibrators.
If you already know what makes you feel good, a great next step is communicating this with your partner. It might be helpful to explain to your partner what you do to make yourself feel good or orgasm, and even offer to show them so they can learn your body. Open communication is key!
When it comes to penetrative sex, there can be a lot of pressure to orgasm from intercourse alone. It’s important to note that most people with vaginas do not experience orgasm from penetration alone, and often require clitoral stimulation. That being said, penetrative sex can be very pleasurable for people with vaginas, and certainly should NOT be painful.
Pain during penetrative sex can be for various different reasons. If you’re feeling pressure or difficulties entering during insertion, a good first step might be helpful to reduce friction by adding lubricant. Lube is a slippery liquid that can reduce friction and increase pleasure. There are many types of lube, such as water based, silicone based, and hybrid combinations of the two. Lube can be added directly to the vulva, or directly on the penis/sex toy. Pain can also be exacerbated by different positions, especially those where it’s more difficult for the receptive partner to control the depth. Playing around with different positions, and trying those that allow for more shallow penetration, such as spooning, can be helpful!
If you’re still experiencing pain, or suspect you may have vaginismus, it may be worth speaking with a medical care provider, such as an ob-gyn. They may be able to provide additional recommendations, such as different tools (such as dilators), positions, etc. that can help! They can also rule out any medical conditions that could be causing pain, or treat any conditions that could be contributing to pain, such as endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, or cysts.
It’s also important to communicate with your partner! While it can be frustrating that sex isn’t feeling good right now, you do not need to just “deal with the pain” - you deserve to have sex that feels good and is pain free, and a partner that respects your experience. Your mental state of mind is just as important as what’s going on physically when it comes to having an orgasm or experiencing pleasure. If you are feeling stressed or uncomfortable, you may struggle to orgasm. To alleviate potential mental blocks, make sure you are communicating with your partner, telling them what feels good, or when to stop. Easier said than done, but the more pressure you put on yourself to orgasm with your partner, the harder it will be to achieve orgasm. And most importantly, penetrative sex is not the only way to have sexual intimacy with your partner! If you’re also finding that oral sex or fingering isn’t feeling great either, that is okay! There are other ways to be intimate with your partner. You could try giving each other massages, or masturbating together. You can also cuddle and have skin to skin contact. Being sexually intimate looks different for everyone, so it is encouraged to try different things and see what works best for you and your partner!
Lastly, it might also be worth connecting with a mental health provider. While not all cases of vaginismus or difficulty with orgasming are caused by mental health issues, stress or trauma can impact how we experience sex. It can impact arousal, as well as our perceptions of pain, and working with a therapist can help to manage any emotions or stressors that are getting in the way of having pleasurable, pain-free sex.
For more information, check out some of these articles on pain during sex, and vaginismus. We will also have pelvic floor therapists at our Sexual Health and Wellness Fair on March 31st, 2025, so feel free to stop by and connect with a professional in a laid back environment!
- The Pelvic People: Blog
- The Pelvic People – Why is Sex Painful?
- Tight Lipped: A grassroots movement by and for people with chronic vulvovaginal and pelvic pain
- Vaginismus – Cleveland Clinic
Knowing when the right time to tell a partner you love them isn't always easy! You might wonder what the "appropriate" timing is (Is it too soon to say it? Have I missed my window?) These feelings can be part of the process of building a relationship for many people. It's important to remember, however, that love looks and feels differently in each relationship, so if you're looking for a exact time frame in which experts agree that it's the most optimal time to say "I love you" - you won't find it!
So, how can you decide when is the best time for you? Well, it’s important to first stop and think reflect on your feelings. Everyone is different, but there are a few key signs that indicate you might be in love with your partner! One of them is that you trust and feel safe around your partner. Another sign is that you know they will listen to your feelings with an open mind, and you will do the same for them. Sometimes, it’s simply a gut feeling!
Once you’ve established your feelings, and feel excited about the idea of communicating them to your partner, you might be ready to share them with them! It can be helpful to be alone the first time you express your feelings or say I love you, as well as sober, as sometimes outside distractions and being under the influence can impact expressing our feelings in ways we don’t intend.
And, just because you know you love them, doesn’t mean the conversation can’t still be nerve-racking to have! Fears of rejection or a lack of mutual feelings could be present, making you feel hesitant to open up. Regardless, open and honest communication with your partner is best when it comes to having these vulnerable conversations. It is also important to note that once you’ve told your partner you love them, they may not feel the same right away, or may not be ready to say it back, and that is okay! Honest communication must come from both ends; if it takes your partner a little bit of time to reciprocate, it is important to give them that time and space to do so.
If you ultimately decide that you aren't feeling in love yet, or you're not ready to communicate that to your partner, that's perfectly normal too! It doesn't mean you've missed your window - it just means that you need/want more time to solidify your feelings and feel comfortable expressing them. Remember that it's your decision to make. If you're feeling rushed or pressured to say "I love you", then it's important to talk that through with your partner as well.
If you have more specific questions, or want to talk through your thoughts, or would like clarification on something, you can always stop by the UConn Sexpert’s Drop-In Hours!
The idea of pregnancy and abortion can be extremely stressful. While it’s normal to be worried, it’s also important to take a step back and go over the facts before panicking. There DOES need to be a set of specific circumstances in alignment in order to become pregnant – so let’s talk about those first.
Identifying Your Pregnancy Risk Level
First - pregnancy can only occur when sperm, the component of semen that is needed to fertilize an egg, joins with an egg. Sperm is a component of semen, or “cum”, which is a result of ejaculation. If your partner didn’t ejaculate inside of you, your risk of pregnancy is pretty low. You mentioned you’re not “on” birth control, which you might mean you’re not on hormonal birth control like the Pill, Patch, Ring, IUD, etc., but if you did happen to use a barrier, such as a condom, your risk is even lower (reminder: condoms are a form of birth control!)
That being said, condoms can sometimes break, and if you didn’t use a condom, there’s always a possibility that pre-ejaculate may contain trace amounts of sperm, which could travel through the vagina, past the cervix and meet with an egg – which brings us to our next set of circumstances.
In order for there to even be an egg for the sperm to meet, you would typically need to be in the ovulation phase of your menstrual cycle, which is when your ovaries release an egg. While ovulation typically only takes a day, there are a few days on either side of your ovulation day where you’re still fertile, which makes for a window of around 6-7 days where you’re truly fertile.
If your cycle is pretty regular, again, it’s unlikely that a pregnancy would occur outside of your ovulation window, although not impossible (especially if your cycle is irregular, which is common in younger folks).
Confirming a Pregnancy & Understanding Your Options
If any of the circumstances mentioned above aligned for you, then a pregnancy might be more likely. Typically, this would be the time when we would recommend the morning-after-pill (often called Plan B or a prescription version called ella), or another form of emergency contraception (like the IUD), but these would need to be taken within 5 days max after sexual activity.
Since you mentioned that it’s past the point when you can take emergency contraception, your next step might be to take a pregnancy test.
First – take a deep breath! SHaW has great resources and a wonderful team of staff that are knowledgeable and can help you through this.
- Purchase an at-home pregnancy test. While you could walk over to CVS to get one, you can also purchase one from the SHaW Pharmacy. You can purchase either two tests for $18.25, or one test for $5.25. You can either get these in person by going down to the garden level of Hilda May Williams and asking for them from the pharmacy, or get them through the SHaW Pharmacy online marketplace! You can also always go to the local CVS to get an at-home test as well. One thing to note about these tests is that the results will be most accurate after you’ve missed your period; so, if you have yet to miss a period, you may want to wait to see if your period shows up prior to testing.
- Consider scheduling an appointment at SHaW. Scheduling an appointment with a medical care provider to run a pregnancy test gives you the opportunity to speak with the providers at SHaW about any options you can take going forward if your test is positive. Even if you test positive for an at home test, it could be beneficial to schedule an appointment with SHaW for a follow-up test. One thing to note is that appointments will typically be billed to insurance. Depending on your insurance and if your parents/guardians are the holders, they may get an EOB (explanation of benefits) that might document that you received a pregnancy test at your appointment. If this is a concern, feel free to mention it to your provider. They may have suggestions on what to say to a parent/guardian if they ask about it. You could even mention that it was just a part of routine testing.
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- If your test is positive: take another deep breath. You're not alone. SHaW offers all option counseling, which includes counseling on obstetrics, adoption services, and abortion services. This includes options for referrals for in-clinic abortion procedures offered at local clinics, such as UConn Health and Planned Parenthood, as well as medication abortion (which involves taking a series of pills that can end a pregnancy). At SHaW, we support and honor whichever decision is best for you!
Talking to a Loved One, Family, Member, Partner….
Broaching the topic of abortion with loved ones looks different for everyone depending on their own personal situation. Some may want to include their friends and loved ones in the conversation, some may feel it’s necessary to tell their partner, or some people may not want to tell anyone at all; all of these things are valid. Ultimately, it is the pregnant person’s decision to make, no one else's.
Know that you are not alone. If you want to talk through your personal situation and possible strategies for discussing the topic with others, stop by our Drop-In Hours, or visit the Women’s Center (located in the Student Union). These are all great places where you can talk casually with a peer about your unique situation without judgement. Another option is contacting the 24/7 Advice Nurse at SHaW (860-486-4700). Talking with the Advice Nurse is free and confidential, and they may be able to guide you in the right direction both in terms of finding resources and discussing the topic with your sexual partner and parents.
There are also certain helplines geared specifically towards people considering abortion that may be able to help you with decision making. One great one to check out would be the All-Options helpline (1-888-493-0092).
Whatever your decision, SHaW and the UConn Sexperts are here for you!
Pregnancy Testing
Abortion Care & Resources
Emergency Contraception
Thank you for asking this question, and we can understand your frustration!
The first point to note is that reaching orgasm, whether alone or with a partner, is something that can involve many factors. Put simply, although sex may seem like a largely physical act, a person’s mental and emotional state can play a large role in their sexual experiences. Orgasm can be heavily influenced by the context one is in. For example, the pressure to orgasm can detract from the actual pleasure from sex. Focusing on your body, the connection with your partner, and the sensations outside of orgasm can enhance your overall experience, and allows for you to be more in tune with yourself and figure out what might work better for you in a sexual setting. Anything that distracts from the experience, such as nerves or stressors, can act as a mental barrier that can make it harder to achieve orgasm. In addition, lifestyle factors that cause stress can activate the sympathetic nervous system, resulting in less blood flow to genitalia and in reduced stimulation when having sex.
During sexual intercourse, most people of all genders experience what is called a sexual response cycle, encompassing four stages. These include desire/excitement, arousal/plateau, orgasm, and resolution, and reference how we physically experience sex. Although the timing, order, and intensity of these phases can vary among individuals, it is important to consider that pleasure is possible anywhere throughout the cycle.
Firstly, the desire/excitement phase involves both someone’s interest in sexual activity as well as physical changes in the body, which can include increased heart rate, increased blood flow to the genitals, lubrication of the vagina, swelling of the testicles, breasts, etc. Next, arousal/plateau lasts until just before orgasm, where the above changes become more intense.
Orgasm is considered the peak of the sexual response cycle, where the sexual tension built up from the previous phases is released. For people with vaginas, this can include contraction of the vaginal muscles, along with other pelvic tissue. For people with penises, orgasm is often marked by ejaculation (although all genders can orgasm with or without ejaculation!) However, it’s important to note that an orgasm can involve other parts of the body. In all genders, there can be muscle tension, and the brain releases endorphins, oxytocin, and dopamine, all of which make us feel happy, desireful, and closer to our sexual partner. Finally, resolution is the return of the body to its normal state – previously swelled and erect areas will go back to their pre-arousal form, and this is usually accompanied by the feeling of satisfaction.
It may be helpful to show your partner the methods you use to reach orgasm during masturbation, and encourage him to either replicate the methods, or incorporate them into partnered sex! For example, if you can orgasm on your own from clitoral stimulation, you could stimulate your clitoris during penetrative sex, or use a clitoral vibrator. From a physical standpoint, most people with vaginas do not orgasm from penetrative sex alone, and typically require some type of clitoral stimulation. Trying oral stimulation, digital stimulation (fingering), or introducing sex toys are all ways to do this. However, if you have already tried this, exploring other positions that place pressure on the clitoris and G-Spot (which many believe to actually be an inner extension of the clitoris) may assist with this. And, as mentioned previously, the other parts of the body are involved during a sexual encounter, but they can help to achieve orgasm as well. Both anal and nipple stimulation can increase sexual pleasure and help reach orgasm. For people with penises, stimulating the prostate is an additional area to consider.
Aside from this, making sure that there is enough lubrication during sex to avoid unwanted friction can increase pleasure. If you are interested in trying out various types of lubrication (for free), check out gloveBOX, our safer sex supply delivery program!
With that being said, remember that everyone is different, and that means reaching orgasm can look different between individuals. Remember that keeping an open line of communication with your partner is key for both of you to have pleasurable sex, and that ultimately, it's okay if sex doesn't always end with an orgasm!
For more support, feel free to attend our Peer Support Drop-In Hours in Wilson!
Great question! It can be super frustrating to not have received comprehensive sex education growing up. It can be even more frustrating to be left out of the conversation completely, as much of the sexuality related education and messages we receive growing up omits queer folks completely. You are not alone!
Lesbian sex is often misconstrued by heteronormativity, misconceptions, and myths. When people talk about lesbian sex, they sometimes think this can only refer to two cisgender lesbian women; but this is not always the case! Not all queer women identify as lesbian (bisexual, pansexual, or other queer identities) and not all lesbians are cisgender (non-binary, transgender women, genderqueer) and not all people are monogamous (they may practice non-monogamy, such as polyamory, or open relationships). Lesbian sex can include intersex people too!
There is a tendency for our society to place an emphasis on penetrative sex, so many people may feel like they need to achieve this when they are having sex, but this is also not the case. Sex does not have to be penetrative for it to be fulfilling. Lesbian relationships are diverse and unique; they are not linked to gender roles and previous conceptions of sex. The idea that lesbian sex needs certain “butch/masculine”, and “femme/feminine” roles is a myth as that dynamic does not include every relationship.
There are multiple ways to have sex, with each sexual act providing a unique and fun way to feel good with your partner(s). One act does not have any more “weight” or importance that the other, with each type of sex just being a way to enjoy each other. Enjoyment and pleasure are the main goal of sex, not just orgasming. Lesbian sex can be more than the physical nature of sex. It can also encompass emotional connection and mutual respect that is central to lesbian/sapphic relationships and deinstitutionalizing heteronormativity. This includes conversations about the relationship itself, detailing what each partner is seeking emotionally, breaking down gender stereotypes/expectations, and empathetic conversation about trust, space, autonomy etc.
It may take time to find what works for you and your partner(s) but that is 100% okay! With openness and communication, sex will become more natural and comfortable. The intimacy of asking what feels good, boundaries, fantasies and more are what make sex fun, exciting, and fulfilling.
Some sexual activities that folks may partake in include:
- Digital stimulation: Digital stimulation can be anything that uses fingers for pleasure. This could include fingering, a type of penetrative sex involving the insertion of one partner's fingers into another partner’s vagina or anus. Digital stimulation also includes clitoral stimulation, such as rubbing a partner's clitoris. To have safer sex, you can use a glove or finger cots over the hand and fingers to prevent contact with any bodily fluids. For lesbians that have penises, this can involve stroking and touching your partners penis (or vice versa) and is also known as “hand jobs.” To have safer sex, you can use a condom or a glove. Something to be mindful of when performing digital stimulation is nail length, as longer nails can scratch sensitive parts of the body and could cause pain and irritation.
- Oral sex: This can involve using the mouth, lips, and/or tongue to provide pleasure to a partner’s genitals or anus. For partners with vaginas, this can be the act of kissing, licking, or sucking parts of the vulva, clitoris, and anus. For partners with penises, this can be the act of kissing, licking, or sucking parts of the penis and testicles as well as the anus. Make sure that you are using the appropriate safer sex supplies, such as condoms, or dental dams!
- Intercrural sex: You can also try intercrural sex, also sometimes called “thigh riding”. This is when a partner sits on another partner's thigh and grinds or rubs their vulva and clitoris against their partner. The friction created from the rubbing can result in a pleasurable feeling.
- Mutual masturbation: Mutual masturbation is just what it sounds like, masturbating together! Mutual masturbation is great because it removes the anxiety or pressure to perform, allowing partners to simply enjoy touch.
- Intercourse with sex toys: While sex toys are not a requirement for sex, they can provide more options for sexual activities. Toys such as vibrators, dildos, strap-ons, and anal toys (beads or plugs) can be included if you and your partner(s) are comfortable with them. Vibrators can be used for clitoral stimulation while dildos and strap-ons can be used for penetrative sex. An important thing to note about sex toys is to wash them between use to prevent the transmission of potential STIs (sexually transmitted infections) as well as using lube that is safe for the toy you are using. You can also use a condom over dildos and strap-ons as a barrier method. For more information on sex toys, Planned Parenthood has a great article here.
- Penetrative sex: Not all lesbians identify as cisgender, so penetrative sex, specifically penile-vaginal and penile-anal sex, could be options for you and your partner if one is penis owner. This involves inserting the penis (or strap on!) into the vagina or anus. It is important to note that penetrative sex is not the only type of sex you can have, nor does it have to be the end goal of a sexual experience. To prevent STIs, you could use external or internal condoms. Both can be ordered in our safer sex delivery system gloveBOX!
Another article published by Refinery29 in 2022 has illustrated pictures of lesbian sex positions as well as referencing works form Dr. Liz Powell, an LGBTQ-friendly sex educator. This article can be found here. It also discusses some of the myths and misconceptions mentioned previously. There is also an article from Women’s Health in 2024 also has illustrated pictures and text descriptions of queer sex positions as well as breaking down different positions' adjustments for mobility or strength limitations. This article can be found here!
If you would like more information regarding sex or want to discuss on a more individual level, please visit our UConn Sexpert Peer Support Drop-in Hours. We’d be happy to talk with you and answer any other budding questions!
Thank you for your question!
First, a couple of facts:
- 50% of all sexually active people will contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI) before they turn 25.
- Further, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) estimates that half of all new STI cases this year will occur among young people ages 15-24.
That being said, STIs are super common, which is why it is generally recommended to get tested either between each new sexual partner, or every three to six months. Even though you may not be showing a sign of an STI, the most common symptom is no symptoms!
Student Health and Wellness (SHaW) provides STI testing right here at UConn. The good news is, is that you do not have to know what test to request, as they are here to help!
When requesting STI testing, all you have to do is call the main SHaW number (860-486-4700) and ask for an appointment for STI testing. In this appointment, the provider will ask you a few questions about your sexual history or any symptoms, and possibly do a physical exam, so they can identify what the best test(s) for you would be. If you’re not experiencing symptoms, and simply want to know your status, they might skip the physical exam, and just take a sexual history. The questions can vary, but some questions a provider might ask include:
- Are you currently having sex of any kind (oral, vaginal, or anal), with anyone?
- If not, have you ever had sex with a partner?
- In the last few months, how many sexual partners have you had?
- What is/are the genders of your sexual partner(s)
- Do you or your partner(s) currently have other sex partners?
- What kind of sexual contact do you have, or have you had? What parts of your body are involved when you have sex? For example, penis in vagina, penis in anus, mouth on penis, vagina, and/or anus.
- Do you currently use STI prevention methods, for example, condoms or dental dams? How often?
- Have you been vaccinated again HPV, or hepatitis A or B?
- Are you using PrEP, a medication that prevents against HIV?
- Have you ever been tested in the past? Have you been diagnosed with an STI in the past? Has your current partner/s been diagnosed or treated for an STI in the past?
Remember, your healthcare provider is only asking these questions to assess which tests might be best for you, so it’s important to be honest.
There are few different types of STI tests that might be recommended. Some of these involve urine tests, blood tests, or oral/vaginal/rectal swabs. Generally, chlamydia and gonorrhea are typically tested for through urine, although they can also be tested for through oral, vaginal, or rectal swabs - depending on your sexual history . Syphilis is typically tested though a blood test. HIV & Hepatitis C can be tested through a blood test, although rapid tests are offered that just involve a sample of blood from a finger prick. HIV can also be tested through oral swab.
There are also other STI tests that may be recommended, however these are the most common. It's important to note that testing for herpes is typically only done if experiencing symptoms (for more information about why, click here).
Your provider will, again, make recommendations based on your sexual history, or the symptoms you're experiencing Once the tests are conducted, the sample(s) will be sent off to a laboratory to be tested. Testing is billed through insurance, but there is also the option to pay out of pocket. If you are on your parents health insurance and are worried about them finding out, you can always say that it is routine for the providers to conduct when making an appointment.
The process of getting your results back can vary depending on the types of testing that you received. On average, a urine and swab test typically take about a week to come back with accurate results, while blood tests can take around two weeks or more. Once your results have come back in, your healthcare provider will reach out to you with your results and if any tests come back positive, they will connect with you on the steps moving forward. At SHaW, treatment is generally free, and is also free for eligible partner(s).
The Rainbow Center, located on the 4th floor of the Student Union, periodically offers free, private rapid HIV and Hepatitis C testing on a first come, first served basis. For more information on which days the Rainbow Center is holding these tests, follow this link to their website: Rapid HIV/HepC Testing | Rainbow Center (uconn.edu).
SHaW also occasionally hosts free STI testing clinics where students can sign up for free testing for gonorrhea and chlamydia on a first-come, first-served basis! Follow SHaW's Instagram, or keep an eye on our website and Daily Digest for more information on our next clinic!
When it comes to pubic hair, there isn't necessarily a "norm". While we are all born with body hair, which is normal - each person is entitled to their own way of maintaining their body hair, and pubic hair is the same! Though there is no better or worse choice, there are many reasons people choose to trim or remove their pubic hair, and there are also many reasons people keep this hair intact.
To make an informed decision on whether you would like to remove hair or keep it, it’s important to go over why we have pubic hair in the first place!
Pubic hair first appears during puberty, symbolizing maturation. This hair has a variety of benefits for the genital region it covers – it can help prevent friction during intercourse, keeping dirt or bacteria out to prevent infection or irritation, trapping pheromones (many pheromone-producing glands are concentrated at the pubic region!), and keeping skin warm and moisturized.
Some decide to keep their pubic hair intact simply because they do not feel any desire or need to rid themselves of what grows naturally on their body. Others, and/or their partner(s), may also enjoy the aesthetic of pubic hair. Some folks who keep their pubic hair may style, trim, or maintain their hair in some other way – often for aesthetic reasons. Lastly, people may decide to keep their pubic hair if they have sensitive skin and are prone to irritation without their hair.
Still, some folks may opt to remove their pubic hair, through shaving or other means, for aesthetic or sensory reasons. While removing pubic hair is a valid choice, it’s worth mentioning that many people, especially women, face societal pressure and expectations to remove it. This pressure comes from societal myths and beliefs that pubic hair is unhygienic or “dirty”, as well as the mainstream consumption of pornography, which often shows porn actors as completely bare and shaven.
If you DO decide to remove your pubic hair, know there are a variety of ways to safely do so. If you would like to shave, make sure you use a new, clean razor, moisturize the skin before, and apply a gentle, unscented shaving cream. If you would like to wax, the best route to go is to get it professionally done, as a DIY-waxing session could result in burns or discomfort if you are unfamiliar with the process. Threading is another method that involves removing hair at the roots, although both threading and waxing can irritate the skin, which can heighten the risk of the exposed hair follicles getting infected or irritated. For all these methods, ensure you also do not ever place shaving or waxing products inside the vaginal opening as this can cause irritation!
Ultimately, how you do or do not remove or style or pubic hair is YOUR choice – you get to decide what feels best for you!
Remember, everyone is different, so it may take some trial and error to find the strategies that work best for you! If you're experiencing persistent disappointment with the duration of sex, it may be helpful to consult a healthcare professional or sex therapist for personalized advice and support. SHaW Mental Health has providers that you can speak to, who may also be able to provide referrals to providers who specialize in sex therapy. If you have additional questions or would like more information, you are always welcome to visit the UConn Sexperts during our Drop-In Hours!
Great question! Approximately 1 in 3 people with penises experience what is sometimes referred to as “premature ejaculation” – which simply means ejaculating sooner than one would like to (there’s no exact amount of time that means someone ejaculates “prematurely”).
While some people may feel embarrassment or frustration from reaching orgasm quickly, rest assured that it doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you – you're simply having a response to sexual stimulation that is normal!
At the same time, it’s also totally understandable that people of all genders may want to delay climax or orgasm so their sexual experiences last longer, and they can spend more time focusing on other forms of pleasure besides orgasm and connecting and having fun with their partner(s). Luckily, there are a variety of ways in which you can prolong your sexual encounters, for both penis & vagina owners!
- Try condoms: There are some types of condoms that have additional properties for extending pleasure. Some condoms are made from a thicker material than traditional condoms, which can help reduce sensitization and increase the amount of time it takes to orgasm. Many condoms these days are thinner to promote more stimulation, so try choosing a condom with a name such as “Extra Strength” or “Tough” - these are good clues that the condoms are made from a thicker material. In fact, our gloveBOX program offers thicker condoms if you order a Mystery or Standard box!
- Try “edging”: One technique that may help is edging, which involves coming close to the point of orgasm (either through masturbation or partnered stimulation), stopping at the “edge”, and often starting again. Edging may allow for you to become more comfortable and aware of your sexual arousal, and it may also enhance your sexual experience when you do orgasm. Edging can be done on your own or during sex with a partner or partners!
- Try different types of stimulation: Masturbation may help to prolong sex for people with penises. A 2019 study found that a technique, called penis-root masturbation, may help to delay ejaculation. Penis-root masturbation involves placing both thumbs near the base of the penis and rubbing in a circular motion or up and down. Penis-root masturbation is a more recent technique, and there are a lot of recent studies about it, if you are interested!
- Stay present: While thinking about non-sexual things might work for some people in delaying an orgasm, it can actually be more beneficial to be “in the moment”, so you are more aware of what is going on with your body. This can help you decide what your body needs – which might include slowing down or taking a break.
- Focus on foreplay: When participating in sexual activities, penetrative sex does not always have to be the goal! Spending time on oral or sensual touching can help delay an orgasm which can be a great reason to focus more time on foreplay. Less than 20% of people with vaginas report experiencing an orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, so incorporating more foreplay can result in more enjoyment for you and your partner!
Remember, everyone is different, so it may take some trial and error to find the strategies that work best for you! If you're experiencing persistent disappointment with the duration of sex, it may be helpful to consult a healthcare professional or sex therapist for personalized advice and support. SHaW Mental Health has providers that you can speak to, who may also be able to provide referrals to providers who specialize in sex therapy. If you have additional questions or would like more information, you are always welcome to visit the UConn Sexperts during our Drop-In Hours!
Great question! Edging refers to the practice of bringing oneself or a partner to the “edge” of orgasm, then deliberately stopping or slowing down just before climax.
So why do some people practice edging? For some, the goal is to extend the sexual experience, build up greater arousal, and ultimately intensify the orgasm. People may edge during masturbation or partnered sex, and it can be done by anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
There are several benefits to edging. For example, some have found that edging can increase the intensity of their orgasm. It can also be a way to explore new activities, sensations, and techniques, which can help individuals learn more about what brings them pleasure. This practice can foster communication between partners, offering opportunities to discuss sexual preferences, boundaries, and desires in a positive, exploratory way. For some, edging may be an activity explored in BDSM or kink scenes - where one partner, typically referred to as the dominant”, may intentionally “edge” another (sometimes referred to as a “submissive”) as a means of controlling their orgasm (of course, as part of a consensual, pre-agreed upon dynamic).
Finally, people who experience premature ejaculation may find edging helpful, as it allows them to gain better control over their arousal, potentially increasing the duration of sexual activity before reaching orgasm.
It’s important to remember, however, that everyone’s sexual preferences are unique. Not everyone enjoys or is interested in edging – some may find it uncomfortable or frustrating. This is completely okay! The key is finding what feels good and fulfilling for you and your partner(s)!
Thank you for reaching out and checking in! Please rest assured that silicone lubricant in fact IS compatible with latex & non latex condoms (including polyisoprene, polyurethane, and nitrile). You can even visit the Astroglide website and click "Condom Compatibility" to verify. In fact, most condoms, including non-latex, are pre-lubricated with silicone lubricant, v.s. water-based, which has the tendency to dry out more quickly. Silicone lubricant is safe for oral, anal, and vaginal sex.
There is a trace amount of cocos nucifera (coconut) oil in the X blend. Please note, however, that it is a very trace amount and is not the base of the lubricant, and is simply an additive and that lots of testing, especially with large companies such as Astroglide, occurs to be able to verify and advertise that they are condom safe.
Lubricants that have a true oil base are not compatible with condoms, and can degrade and break down latex or non-latex materials. SHaW does not provide oil-based lubricants to our students, and only provides lubricants that are condom safe.
If there are any concerns about safety & compatibility in regards to lubrication, condoms, and/or sex toys, please email our manager at cassy@uconn.edu so she can return your concern directly! 🙂
Thank you so much for asking this question! First, it is completely normal to never have had an orgasm. Up to 15% of people have never had an orgasm – and many more do not orgasm from penetration. However, we know that it might feel frustrating after trying various solutions.
There are many things that could be playing a role in why you may be struggling to orgasm, whether that be physical discomfort or more mental barriers such as frustration, anxiety or shame. Rest assured, if having an orgasm is something that is important to you, there are options!
First, try to let go of any pressure you might have on yourself to have an orgasm. While it’s easier said than done - not all sex needs to include an orgasm for it to be fulfilling! Try to focus your sexual experience, whether partnered or through masturbation, on feeling the most pleasure. By reducing this pressure, you may feel more relaxed and in tune with yourself sexually. This change in perspective may help you put expectations of orgasm aside and focus on what make you feel good, whether or not that leads to orgasm! Communicate this with your partner(s) too - let them know you're focusing on pleasure v.s. orgasm, to take the pressure out of the situation.
Sometimes people report inability to orgasm as a result of medications such as certain anti-depressants, such as SSRIs. If you are unsure of whether or not a medication you are taking can make having an orgasm more difficult, consult with your provider. They may be able to provide an alternate medication that does not have those side effects, or may be able to recommend some other alternative. But remember – it’s very important to not discontinue use of medication without speaking with your provider.
Elevated stress can also have a negative impact on libido and consequently, ability to orgasm. When we are stressed out our body produces cortisol which can negatively affect our ability to get aroused. If participating in partner sex, make sure that you feel safe and comfortable with them as that will help reduce any feelings of stress when you are in the moment! Even outside of sex—finding ways to decrease stress has so many health benefits!
If you're still struggling, continue exploring different vibrators and positions like you have been! There are so many different types of sex toys and vibrators (for a brief overview from Planned Parenthood, click here), and you never know which might do the trick.
You may have seen the recent viral trend “looksmaxxing” which encompasses a range of different body standards aimed at young people, especially targeting young men. Part of this set of trends includes “girthmaxxing” -- trying to increase the size of the penis. Unfortunately, this kind of content can put negative and unrealistic body standards onto young people and cultivates an attitude that they should always be seeking to elevate or ‘max out’ their physical potential. This messaging can create harmful dissatisfaction in one’s body image, and result in feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. Penises come in a wide range of sizes, and all of them are perfectly normal!
The short answer is that while “girthmaxxing” is not realistic, if you’re interested in maintaining healthy sexual function and erections, there are a few different factors that can contribute to more pleasurable sex, regardless of penis size! Sexual arousal involves the brain, hormones, emotions, nerves, muscles, and blood vessels, so maintaining your overall health with regular exercise, hydration, sleep, and nutrition is the best way to maintain your body’s optimal sexual arousal response. This will not make your penis size any bigger, but it may contribute to experiencing satisfying erections for your natural penis size. Things like alcohol use, tobacco use, medications, illness, or even poor sleep can result in weaker erections, so it’s important to remember that erections might fluctuate, and that’s normal too. Rather than focusing on unrealistic ways to increase your penis size, it’s probably more worthwhile to take care of yourself in a way that will lend itself to healthy sexual function as well as a healthy body image!
If you would like to discuss topics like sexual function, body image, or anything else related to sexual wellness, feel free to visit our Peer Support Drop-In Hours to talk to a Sexpert in a non-judgmental space!
This is a great question! Exploring new aspects of your sexuality can be an exciting and fulfilling journey for you and your girlfriend to take together. It's important to approach it with clear and direct communication, trust, consent, and respect for each other’s feelings, boundaries, needs, and wants.
You might first consider having an open and honest conversation about your desires, fantasies, and boundaries with your partner. To make sure you both feel comfortable expressing your thoughts and concerns, be as candid as possible! Discuss your motivations behind wanting to explore this aspect of your relationship—yours may be different from your partner’s, and it’s important to understand that that is okay. You might also want to clearly define the boundaries you are both comfortable with. Talk about what is off-limits, what you want to try together, and what you might want to try on your own.
It is also important to consider the needs, desires, and boundaries of whoever you are opening the relationship up to. Have a conversation with a potential partner or partners about what they are looking for in a relationship! You may find that it is a big adjustment to be in a relationship (whether it's sexual, romantic, or both) with multiple people even if they are different kinds of relationships. Additionally, it is important to be aware of your position in an established couple and make sure that all partners prioritize communication and feel open to expressing how they feel.
As you learn more about yourself and what kinds of relationships work best for you, you may run into unexpected feelings. That is perfectly normal! It is important to note that yours and/or your girlfriend’s needs may change over time, and you should talk about those changes. It is always a good idea to talk about these experiences they come up—you should always prioritize each other’s feelings and well-being and take each step at a pace that feels right for both of you. If anyone in the relationship expresses discomfort or changes your mind, be prepared to adjust accordingly.
It might also be worthwhile to research different relationship structures and ethical non-monogamy. Understanding the dynamics involved can provide insights into potential challenges and how to navigate them. Books such as "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, and "Polywise"/"Polysecure" by Jessica Fern are two excellent resources if you are curious about non-monogamy.
If you ever want to talk relationships and sex with a member of the UConn Sexperts, visit our Peer Support Drop-In Hours—linked here. We’d love to have you!
It’s perfectly normal to be sexually attracted to different parts of the body and/or physical features!
Attraction varies widely from person to person, and can be influenced by a wide variety of psychological, biological, and social factors, ranging from adrenaline, scent, personality, the media we consume (including pornography), our culture, etc.
What some people may consider to be a big turn on, others may have little interest in. It’s all a matter of personal preference. There are so many ways to appreciate different types of bodies!
Thanks so much for asking! There is so much information about sexual health that it can sometimes feel overwhelming finding a place to start. Thankfully, you came to the right place! The UConn Sexperts offer non-judgmental resources including information, safer sex supplies, and support.
While it is true that abstinence prevents pregnancy and STIs, teaching that as the only option can leave people without accurate information about their bodies and safer sex practice. We are here to empower you to make choices that feel right for you! If you and your partner(s) have decided to start having sex, it’s a good idea to get info on make it safer and more pleasurable!
Birth control comes in many different forms and is an effective way to prevent pregnancy. Some of the most popular methods of birth control include: The Pill (combination estrogen and progestin, or progestin only), the Patch, the Shot, the Ring, the IUD (copper or hormonal), or the Implant (Nexplanon). You may find that one type of birth control is more suited to your needs and lifestyle than another. Birth control pills (sometimes referred to as OCPs, or oral contraceptive pills) are usually taken daily and do not require a procedure or injection. If you are looking for something that you can “set and forget” you may prefer a long-term option like an IUD or Implant. There are also options like the Depo-Provera shot which can be administered every three months, or patches which may be replaced every few days.
Other non-prescription contraceptive strategies include the Fertility Awareness Method (tracking your ovulation days and abstaining from sex on those days) or the withdrawal method (aka pulling out), however these methods require practice and are typically less effective than prescription forms of birth control.
If you are looking for a prescription type of birth control through UConn Student Health and Wellness, you can make an appointment with a SHaW provider by calling 1-860-486-4700. Please be advised that SHaW does not offer IUDs on-site, but can refer you to a local provider!
Remember, birth control only protects against pregnancy, not sexually transmitted infections. Using a barrier like an internal or external condom during penetrative sex helps decrease risks of both STIs and pregnancy. When used regularly in combination with birth control, condoms are great to better protect yourself and your partner(s). You can order up to 60 free condoms a semester through this resource available to students through the gloveBOX program.
We hope that this information gives you a good place to start! If you have any other questions please feel free to stop by our Peer Support drop-in hours or speak to a SHaW provider!
If that’s something that works for both of you, then yes! There’s nothing wrong with staying friends with someone you used to be in a relationship with, regardless of whether the relationship was romantic, sexual, both, or somewhere in-between. People decide all the time that they make better friends than romantic partners. Despite much of the social messaging, friendly breakups don't have to be awkward! Of course, if there has been hurt, disrespect, mistreatment or mis-matched feelings about the breakup, you or your ex might not want to stay in contact, and that is completely ok. It is also perfectly normal if you change your mind about what kind of contact you may want to maintain. At the end of the day, as long as everyone is happy with how the relationship progressed, it isn’t weird, wrong, or suspicious for someone to remain friends with an ex after an amicable breakup.
If you ever want to talk about relationships with a member of the UConn Sexperts, our drop-in hours are linked here!
Currently, birth control options available directly through SHaW include: the Pill, Patch, Shot, and Ring. These options can be prescribed by a SHaW provider and are typically billed through insurance or paid out of pocket. Students seeking an IUD (either copper or hormonal), or the Implant would be able to access a referral through SHaW, can speak to their provider, or get an IUD through a local Planned Parenthood. Again, it would depend on your insurance or if you choose to pay out of pocket what the cost of your IUD would be.
If you have questions on how to decide what contraceptives may be right for you but don’t know where to start, feel free to visit the UConn Sexperts Drop-In Hours to get information about the different types of contraceptives, and resources to speak with providers.
To prevent pregnancy and better protect yourself from STIs, check out gloveBOX! Students can order up to 20 free condoms 3x a semester for delivery (on campus students) or pick up (off campus students).
Good question! There are plenty of things that you can do to enhance pleasure for yourself and your partner when engaging in penetrative anal sex. First and foremost, it is important that there is open communication between partners regarding comfort and discomfort. If anal sex becomes painful, it is a good idea to stop and check in with your partner(s).
Using silicone-based lubrication for penetrative anal sex can increase pleasure because it lasts longer and does a better job minimizing friction compared to water-based lubrications. You may find that changing the type of lubricant may increase pleasure for you both!
It is important to note that silicone lubes do risk breaking down silicone toys. So, if you are using a sex toy during anal sex, make sure that you are not using a silicone toy with a silicone-based lubricant. Some alternate materials for toys include glass and body safe metals. Additionally, keep in mind oil-based lubricants break down condoms, which leads to an increased risk of the condom breaking.
It can be difficult to work up to penetrative sex. You and your partner(s) may want to consider digital penetration (fingering), oral sex (also called rimming) and/or smaller anal toys as part of foreplay before moving on to penile-anal penetration.
If you still find that there is discomfort with this particular type of sexual activity, you may want to try products like the Ohnut, which is a series of flexible rings worn by the penetrating partner that acts as a buffer to help reduce pain during penetrative sex.
Ultimately, if penetrative anal sex is not something that you find pleasure - that’s fine too! It can give you and your partner(s) an opportunity to learn something about what kinds of sexual activities you enjoy!
Great question! In Connecticut, you do not need parental consent to obtain prescription birth control - at any age. Students at UConn can make an appointment with a provider at SHaW if they interested in forms of birth control such as the Pill, Shot, Patch, IUD, Implant, or Ring.
However, if you plan to use your insurance to cover the costs of your birth control, be aware that insurance services will list the billing code attached to the services received. If you are still on your parents' insurance, keep in mind that there is a possibility that the explanation of benefits will show a birth control consultation or prescription.
To maintain confidentiality, you might prefer to pay for these services out of pocket, although that can be quite costly. You could also opt to sign up for your own insurance plan, but again, there's a chance it's cheaper to remain on your parents' insurance until age 26.
If you have privacy concerns, a long-term form of birth control might be good option. An intrauterine device (IUD) can last anywhere from 3 to 12 years, and the Implant lasts for five. Choosing a long-term form will reduce the number of services and prescriptions needed. Or, you could opt for an over-the-counter option. Barrier methods, such as external and internal condoms are highly effective at preventing pregnancy. You can also purchase contraceptives which act as spermicide, like VCF (vaginal contraceptive gel), however it contains an ingredient called nonoxynol-9, which can cause irritation and lead to increased risk of STIs.
If you need access to free condoms during the school year, the UConn Sexperts provide a service called gloveBOX where you can access 20 free condoms at a time! Check out the link below! gloveBOX | Student Health and Wellness (uconn.edu)
Just like other types of appointments at Student Health and Wellness, all STI testing requires an appointment. While same day appointments are not guaranteed, our schedulers will always do our best to get you an appointment as soon as possible!
SHaW does occasionally offer free sexually transmitted infection (STI) testing events in the Hilda May Williams building! You do need to make an appointment for these clinics, so keep an eye on SHAW’s website to see when they are scheduled every semester. There are also semi regular testing events for HIV and Hepatitis C held through the UConn Rainbow Center.
If you feel you may have been exposed to an STI or are exhibiting symptoms, you can make an appointment by calling (860)-486-4700. This testing will be billed through your insurance and will display the insurance billing code associated with the tests.
Keep in mind that if you believe you have been exposed to a sexually transmitted infection, it's not always recommended to be tested the day after. Many STIs are not detected by a test for a few weeks after exposure, and testing before this timeframe may result in a false negative. Below is a list of common STIs and the "window period" (the phase between being exposed to an infection and the time when a test can detect it in the system):
- Chlamydia: Between 1 and 5 days.
- Gonorrhea: Between 2 and 6 days.
- Syphilis: Between 3 and 6 weeks.
- HIV: Depends on the test, but generally 30-90 days.
- Herpes: 16 weeks (however, herpes generally does not need a test for a diagnosis - if you experience symptoms such as sores, visit a provider - they can make a diagnosis based on physical exam).
- Hepatitis C: 6 weeks
- Trichomoniasis: Between 3 and 7 days.
If you have more specific questions, please make use of the UConn Sexpert’s Peer Support Drop-In hours! We are here to help you get answers to any questions about relationships, having difficult conversations, and sexual health that you may have, so stop on by!
Great question! Around 2/3 of people with penises worldwide are uncircumcised, and while circumcision is more common in the U.S. then some other countries, there are minimal differences in pleasure and effects on your health as long as you are practicing good hygiene and safer sex. There’s no right or wrong way to have a body!
Some people may feel unsure or apprehensive about how to approach sex with either someone who is circumcised or uncircumcised, if they have only seen or experienced sex with someone with one type of penis. Our past experiences, religion and culture, and the media we view can all impact attitudes about circumcision as well. For example, media, including pornography, often depict penises as always circumcised, which can also impact what we view as "the norm". However, sex with someone who is circumcised is not that different from sex with someone who is uncircumcised! Depending on whether someone is circumcised or not, they may feel sensation differently. Additionally, people with foreskins may prefer to roll their foreskin back before condom use. As always, ask your partner(s) how they prefer to have their genitals stimulated.
Myth: Most penis-owners are circumcised.
Fact: While common in the United States and within the Christian, Jewish, and Muslim communities worldwide, only 37-39% penis-owners are circumcised globally.
Myth: Uncircumcised penises are unhygienic.
Fact: Uncircumcised penises are not inherently unhygienic! People who are not circumcised, should, however, take extra care to wash the head of their penis and underneath their foreskin to prevent the buildup of smegma (which is a buildup of skin cells and oil).
Myth: Uncircumcised folks are more likely to have infections.
Fact: Transmission risk of some STIs, like HIV or genital herpes, is slightly lower for circumcised folks. However, this risk can be mitigated by practicing barrier methods (such as condoms) to lower the chances of contracting or transmitting any STI’s. Uncircumcised individuals have a slightly higher risk of contracting UTI’s, which can be reduced by practicing good hygiene.
Myth: Circumcision cause sexual dysfunction
Fact: Circumcision does not cause sexual dysfunction, the ability to reach an erection, or have children. Some studies suggest that circumcision does not affect sexual pleasure, sensitivity, however, some conflicting studies and critics of circumcision suggest that removal of the foreskin can impact sensitivity because of the number of nerve endings located in the foreskin.
Regardless of what kind of body you have, one is not “better” than another! Talking to your partner(s) about their preferences may be an awkward conversation to start – but it can increase pleasure for everyone involved!
Many people consider sexuality and sexual desire to be a part of their lives and identities. However, everyone experiences their relationship to sexual desire differently!
For some people, sex is something they think about a lot and they may experience stronger and more frequent sexual desire or arousal This may be referred to as having a “higher libido” or a higher “sex-drive” – and this refers to physiological state, such as experiencing vaginal lubrication or erections. Others may experience no sexual desire at all, or find it difficult to become aroused. There are individuals who have a lower sex drive, or desire sex more infrequently or less intensely. It is also normal to find yourself somewhere in the middle of this spectrum, or you may even find that your sexual desire changes over time, or is more fluid!
It's also important to note that libido is different from sexual attraction to someone. Sexual attraction refers to a feeling people have when they find someone or something sexually appealing to them. Sexual attraction is what may motivate people to have sex or act on.
People who are asexual or consider themselves to be on the asexual spectrum may not experience sexual attraction to others, or only experience sexual attraction within the context of certain relationships, but can still experience sexual arousal, or even have high libidos! However, without the attraction component, the desire to have sex may be minimal.
Wherever you may fall in terms of libido levels or sexual attraction, you are valid! If you ever want to talk about questions related to sexual health or need a non-judgmental space to discuss topics related to sex and sexuality, please feel free to visit the Sexperts during Peer Support Drop-In hours!
It has been normalized to define “sex” as penetrative sex, but oral sex is a very common sexual activity that many people find just as, if not more, pleasurable. It’s important to acknowledge that there is nothing abnormal about your boyfriend’s sexual desires or preferences. For some, performing oral sex is fun even if there is no expectation for the act to be reciprocated – and it sounds like your partner enjoys it! If receiving oral sex is something you like as well, then lay back, relax, and enjoy!
If you‘re concerned because it doesn’t feel as “mutual” as other types of sex, or if it feels awkward having all the attention on you, that’s also understandable! If you find that you get more enjoyment from other activities, it may be a good opportunity to talk with your partner about other sexual activities you prefer or may want to try. And, if ultimately find that receiving oral sex is not something you enjoy at all, having an honest conversation about the types of sexual activities you DO enjoy can help make a more pleasurable experience for both you and your partner(s)!
Sometimes it can feel difficult (or even scary!) to ask for what we want sexually. Not sure how to get started? Here are some examples to get the conversation going!
- “I love that you get so turned on by going down on me – but what I’d really like right now is (insert activity here) how does that sound?”
- “It feels so good when you do that, but I’m more in the mood for (insert activity here) what do you think?”
- “I’m not really feeling this right now – is it cool if we try something else?”
- “What do you think about switching things up tonight, and (insert activity here) for a little bit instead?”
Learning what each other likes sexually requires ongoing communication and can take time, but ultimately can lead to deeper and more intimate connections with partner(s)!
Great question! Rest assured that the chances of getting pregnant from dry humping a.k.a. a form of “outercourse” are very, very, VERY slim. However, it is still important to note that any sexual activity where ejaculation occurs and involves semen coming in contact with the vagina could result in pregnancy.
In a situation like the one you described where both partners are clothed, the risk is almost 0%. There would have to be some additional (and unlikely) mechanics at play (i.e., there would need to be prolonged contact from the semen through the clothing, onto the vulva, and then additional activities like fingering or thrusting to move the semen into the vagina). The risk of pregnancy can increase if there was bare genital contact, or from someone fingering a partner after getting semen on their hands or on a sex toy, but again, the semen would need to move past the vulva INTO the vagina in order to cause a pregnancy. Further, the risk levels change depending on whether or not you are ovulating (when you are most fertile).
While it’s not impossible that dry humping (with ejaculation) can result in pregnancy, it is super unlikely. But, if you are concerned about the risk, it could be helpful to consider birth control and contraceptive options available to you!
In addition, it may be beneficial to speak with your partner or ask that they finish elsewhere to avoid this concern in the future. If you are feeling conflicted about experiences like this and ever need a supportive place to talk through your concerns with a peer health educator, please feel free to utilize the Sexpert’s Peer Support Drop-In hours!
Peer Support Drop-In Hours are free service offered by peer health educators, the UConn Sexperts, on the UConn Storrs campus!
Peer Support Drop-In Hours are a great option for students who have questions about sex and sexual health, are looking for a non-judgmental, laid-back environment to discuss a sex related concern or issue, or are interested in improving their sexual health and personal well-being. Our UConn Sexperts undergo extensive training in various topics of sexual health, and have been trained in evidence-based approaches to peer support. The UConn Sexperts are supervised by a SHaW professional staff member and are required to attend weekly staff meetings for continuing education. UConn Sexperts (and supervising staff) are exempt employees under UConn's Title IX Reporting Obligations.
Spring 2025 Drop In Hours: Wilson Hall Room 106 (new location!)
| Mondays | 10am-1pm |
| Tuesday | 10am-12pm |
| Wednesdays | 9am-6pm |
| Thursdays | 9am-6pm |
| Fridays | 2pm-5pm |
During our drop-in hours the UConn Sexperts are trained to provide:
| Education, including: | A supportive environment for discussion surrounding: | Connections to UConn SHaW & off-campus resources, including: |
| Birth control | First-time sexual experiences/debuts | STI Testing |
| Safer-sex strategies | Dating, relationships and communication | Birth control consultation appointments |
| Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) | Sexual decision-making, boundaries, and consent | Pregnancy resources |
| Sexual identity, gender identity, sexual orientation | PReP & PEP | |
| Living with a sexually transmitted infection (STI) | HPV and mpox vaccinations | |
| Pleasure | LGBTQ+ specific sexual health services | |
| BDSM/Kink | Gender-affirming care | |
| Ethnical non-monogamy | Sexual assault victim/survivor support |
Peer support sessions are for educational and support purposes only. Peer support visits are not on-call or emergency services, and are not for individualized medical advice, nor are they counseling or therapy.
- If you are experiencing an emergency or mental health crisis, please call 911.
- If you are struggling with a mental health issue that is severely impacting your well-being, please reach out to SHaW – Mental Health at 860-486-4705 to schedule an appointment, or call our 24/7 hotline at 833-308-3040.
- To make an appointment with a medical care provider, please call SHaW – Medical Care at 860-486-4800.
- If you've experienced sexual harassment, sexual assault, stalking, or intimate partner violence, we encourage you to seek support. If you'd like more information about support resources and reporting options, please click here.
If you wish to make an appointment with a professional staff member to discuss sexual health related concerns, or were referred to do so by a UConn Sexpert, please click here to schedule an appointment with Program Manager for Sexual Health and Peer Education Initiatives, Cassy Setzler.
The UConn Sexperts provide several educational programs and presentations for student groups. These presentations cover a wide variety of topics, ranging from safer-sex practices (i.e. condom use), birth control/contraception, decision-making, consent, pleasure, and more! Some of the groups we work with often include Greek Life, Residential Life, & cultural centers. For a list of our current offerings, and to book a program, visit the Student Health and Wellness program request form by clicking here!
Condom-a-thon (November/December): Hosted for over 20 years, Condom-a-thon is held on or around World AIDS Day (December 1st) at Late Night in the Student Union. Our UConn Sexperts teach participants a safer sex skill, such as how to use a condom, or how to turn a condom into a dental dam. All participants receive a free Dairy Bar ice cream! This year's event will be on December 6th, 2024!
Annual Sexual Health and Wellness Fair (March/April): Student Health and Wellness, along with support from USG, hosts an annual Sexual Health and Wellness Fair each year in April, where various UConn & community groups and organizations come together to provide students with resources and education about sexual health! Our 4th Annual Sexual Health & Wellness Fair will be on Monday, March 31st, 2025 from 10am-2pm in the Student Union Ballroom! Please visit our fair website for more information about our upcoming event and to view resources from past fairs.
Get Involved
UConn Sexpert Job Description 2024-2025
Our application period for the 2024-2025 academic year are now closed. Qualified applicants will be contacted in March for interviews.
If you have any questions about the UConn Sexpert position or application process, please email Cassy Setzler, Program Manager for Sexual Health & Peer Education Initiatives at cassy@uconn.edu.
Collaborate with Us
Have an idea for a collaboration? Want to partner with the UConn Sexperts on an event? Send an email to sexperts@uconn.edu!
If you'd like to book a program with us, please submit a program request here.
Meet the Sexperts
Name: Parker Brobston Pronouns: she/her/hers Semester: 7 Semester as a Sexpert: 4 Major: Spanish and SLHS, minor in Human Rights Hobbies: Hiking, foraging, crocheting, spending time with friends Why the UConn Sexperts? I feel passionate about empowering students to learn more about their bodies, pleasure, contraceptive options, and informed consent through education!
Name: Ari Fandozzi Pronouns: she/her/hers Semester: 7 Semester as a Sexpert: 4 Major: Psychology Hobbies: Working out, hiking, listening music, hanging out and chatting with friends Why the UConn Sexperts? I wanted to join Sexperts because I am really passionate about educating our generation about proper sex education. The curriculum in high school failed us as a whole as the majority were abstinence based and maybe mentioned contraceptives. I think that everyone should be able to have comprehensive sex education that is inclusive and extensive because a lot of my sex education left me confused and needing to know more.
Name: Claire Murphy Pronouns: she/her/hers Semester: 7 Semester as a Sexpert: 5 Major: Molecular & Cell Biology Hobbies: Acting, dancing, baking, rock painting, and going to the beach Why the UConn Sexperts? I am very interested in public health and health education. I believe that sexual health is an important aspect of healthcare because is affects our physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. Everyone deserves access to sexual health knowledge and resources, so I am really excited to promote sexual health education and help other students on campus!
Name: Charlise (Charli) Levesque Pronouns: she/they Semester: 7 Semester as a Sexpert: 1 Major: Communications Hobbies: Hiking, Gaming, Painting, and Playing TTRPGs with friends! Why the UConn Sexperts? I found the sexperts through a Health Communication class I was taking and realized how rewarding it was to work alongside such an open-minded and warm community. Now I am looking forward to sharing, educating, and fostering a safe space for sexual health and conversations about sex to counter any stigmas about the topic
Name: Serena Robidoux Pronouns: she/they Semester: 7 Semester as a Sexpert: 1 Major: Biology Hobbies: Reading, crocheting, drawing, playing on my Switch and PlayStation Why the UConn Sexperts? I believe that having a solid understanding of sexual health and wellness is vital for everyone, especially college students. My goal as a Sexpert is to make a difference in students lives through teaching, advocacy, and peer support.
Name: Ira Sunderraj Pronouns: she/her Semester: 5 Semester as a Sexpert: 1 Major: Allied Health Sciences Hobbies: Reading, TV, dance, collecting figurines Why the UConn Sexperts? I believe that education is power! The ability to teach and learn about sexual health is something I want to share with the UConn community.
Name: Carmen Rebert Pronouns: they/them Semester: 5 Semester as a Sexpert: 1 Major: Biology Hobbies: Why the UConn Sexperts?
Name: Riley Fields Pronouns: she/her Semester: 3 Semester as a Sexpert: 1 Major: Human Development and Family Studies Hobbies: Jewelery-making, movies, hiking, baking, listening to music, weight-lifting Why the UConn Sexperts? I believe working with the Sexperts is a great opportunity to collaborate with peers in a safe space while educating ourselves and each other about sexual health. I also want to be a relationship and sex therapist when I'm older, and I believe working as a Sexpert will be a great base for that.
Name: Sugita Mahendarkar Pronouns: she/her Semester: 3 Semester as a Sexpert: 1 Major: Physiology and Neurobiology Hobbies: philosophy, reading, music, art, video games Why the UConn Sexperts? I want to help students feel comfortable discussing and learning about sexual health so that they can be empowered by their understanding of personal wellbeing and healthy living.
