The UConn Sexperts

Honesty

We ensure the delivery of accurate, current, culturally competent health information.
We do not let our personal opinions interfere with our interactions or the delivery of the content.
We utilize and rely on open and direct communication.

Respect

We honor and respect people's decisions & choices about their sexual health and sexuality.
We view sexual health through a social-justice lens, and prioritize diversity, equity, and inclusion in all facets of our work.
We practice cultural humility and recognize differing needs based on our unique and intersecting identities.
We uphold individuals' right to privacy.

Support

We build supportive relationships with those we are helping.
We hold space for others to be themselves, to share freely and to ask questions.
We create and respect boundaries and individual needs throughout the educational process.
We deliver content in an approachable way that is easy to understand and apply.

Autonomy

We believe sexual health is a human right, and a core component of our overall health & well-being.
We believe that individuals know themselves and their bodies best – that they have personal agency to make the best choices for themselves.
We will never compromise autonomy – we put bodily integrity, and freedom to define sexuality and make choices about our bodies without coercion or violence at the forefront of our work.
We celebrate the expressions of our unique sexualities and view those expressions as forms of liberation.

gloveBOX

Ask the Sexperts

Sex can be hard to talk about! We’re here to make things easy by providing an anonymous and judgement-free space for you to ask any sex-related questions you have. All you have to do is fill out the form with your question, and we’ll do our best to answer your question on our website! (we will remove any identifying information before we post it publicly!)

*Please note that this is student-run program. Ability to provide responses on a regular basis is dependent on staffing. If you are in need of a timely response, please email Cassy Setzler at cassy@uconn.edu with your question.

Please note that this form is for educational purposes only, and not* for individualized medical advice. We encourage all students with specific questions about their sexual health (i.e. are experiencing symptoms, are concerned about potential pregnancy/exposure to STIs, etc.) to make an appointment with a medical provider by clicking here. If you are experiencing an emergency or mental health crisis, please call 911. This form will not trigger an immediate response. Additionally, submissions to this form do not constitute notice to the University regarding Prohibited Conduct under the Policy Against Discrimination, Harassment, and Related Interpersonal Violence. If you've experienced a sexual harassment, sexual assault, stalking, or intimate partner violence, we encourage you to seek support. If you'd like more information about support resources and reporting options, please click here. Remember, it is NOT your fault and you are NOT alone.

I can orgasm by myself but have never been able to with past boyfriends or with my current boyfriend. It gets really frustrating because we try different things but it never works. What do I or he need to do so I can finish when we are together?

I'm a lesbian who never really had any sex-ed in school - how am I supposed to have sex in general? Safe sex?

If you’re getting tested in between sexual partners but don’t have symptoms of anything, what exactly should you ask to get tested for? What is the process like from making an appointment to getting results?

I’m not on birth control, and I'm scared I might be pregnant but it's past the time that I can take Plan B. If I am pregnant, I definitely would not keep it but I'm afraid of telling the guy because we have only had sex a few times. Especially if I end up having to have an abortion. I'm also scared and wouldn't know how to get an abortion without telling my parents and I have no idea what to do.

Is it better to shave your vulva? What is the norm?

When it comes to pubic hair, there isn't necessarily a "norm". While we are all born with body hair, which is normal - each person is entitled to their own way of maintaining their body hair, and pubic hair is the same! Though there is no better or worse choice, there are many reasons people choose to trim or remove their pubic hair, and there are also many reasons people keep this hair intact.

To make an informed decision on whether you would like to remove hair or keep it, it’s important to go over why we have pubic hair in the first place!

Pubic hair first appears during puberty, symbolizing maturation. This hair has a variety of benefits for the genital region it covers – it can help prevent friction during intercourse, keeping dirt or bacteria out to prevent infection or irritation, trapping pheromones (many pheromone-producing glands are concentrated at the pubic region!), and keeping skin warm and moisturized.

Some decide to keep their pubic hair intact simply because they do not feel any desire or need to rid themselves of what grows naturally on their body. Others, and/or their partner(s), may also enjoy the aesthetic of pubic hair. Some folks who keep their pubic hair may style, trim, or maintain their hair in some other way – often for aesthetic reasons. Lastly, people may decide to keep their pubic hair if they have sensitive skin and are prone to irritation without their hair.

Still, some folks may opt to remove their pubic hair, through shaving or other means, for aesthetic or sensory reasons. While removing pubic hair is a valid choice, it’s worth mentioning that many people, especially women, face societal pressure and expectations to remove it. This pressure comes from societal myths and beliefs that pubic hair is unhygienic or “dirty”, as well as the mainstream consumption of pornography, which often shows porn actors as completely bare and shaven.

If you DO decide to remove your pubic hair, know there are a variety of ways to safely do so. If you would like to shave, make sure you use a new, clean razor, moisturize the skin before, and apply a gentle, unscented shaving cream. If you would like to wax, the best route to go is to get it professionally done, as a DIY-waxing session could result in burns or discomfort if you are unfamiliar with the process. Threading is another method that involves removing hair at the roots, although both threading and waxing can irritate the skin, which can heighten the risk of the exposed hair follicles getting infected or irritated. For all these methods, ensure you also do not ever place shaving or waxing products inside the vaginal opening as this can cause irritation!

Ultimately, how you do or do not remove or style or pubic hair is YOUR choice – you get to decide what feels best for you!

Remember, everyone is different, so it may take some trial and error to find the strategies that work best for you! If you're experiencing persistent disappointment with the duration of sex, it may be helpful to consult a healthcare professional or sex therapist for personalized advice and support. SHaW Mental Health has providers that you can speak to, who may also be able to provide referrals to providers who specialize in sex therapy. If you have additional questions or would like more information, you are always welcome to visit the UConn Sexperts during our Drop-In Hours!

How do I last longer in bed?

Great question! Approximately 1 in 3 people with penises experience what is sometimes referred to as “premature ejaculation” – which simply means ejaculating sooner than one would like to (there’s no exact amount of time that means someone ejaculates “prematurely”).

While some people may feel embarrassment or frustration from reaching orgasm quickly, rest assured that it doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you – you're simply having a response to sexual stimulation that is normal!

At the same time, it’s also totally understandable that people of all genders may want to delay climax or orgasm so their sexual experiences last longer, and they can spend more time focusing on other forms of pleasure besides orgasm and connecting and having fun with their partner(s). Luckily, there are a variety of ways in which you can prolong your sexual encounters, for both penis & vagina owners!

Try condoms: There are some types of condoms that have additional properties for extending pleasure. Some condoms are made from a thicker material than traditional condoms, which can help reduce sensitization and increase the amount of time it takes to orgasm. Many condoms these days are thinner to promote more stimulation, so try choosing a condom with a name such as “Extra Strength” or “Tough” - these are good clues that the condoms are made from a thicker material. In fact, our gloveBOX program offers thicker condoms if you order a Mystery or Standard box!

Try “edging”: One technique that may help is edging, which involves coming close to the point of orgasm (either through masturbation or partnered stimulation), stopping at the “edge”, and often starting again. Edging may allow for you to become more comfortable and aware of your sexual arousal, and it may also enhance your sexual experience when you do orgasm. Edging can be done on your own or during sex with a partner or partners!

Try different types of stimulation: Masturbation may help to prolong sex for people with penises. A 2019 study found that a technique, called penis-root masturbation, may help to delay ejaculation. Penis-root masturbation involves placing both thumbs near the base of the penis and rubbing in a circular motion or up and down. Penis-root masturbation is a more recent technique, and there are a lot of recent studies about it, if you are interested!

Stay present: While thinking about non-sexual things might work for some people in delaying an orgasm, it can actually be more beneficial to be “in the moment”, so you are more aware of what is going on with your body. This can help you decide what your body needs – which might include slowing down or taking a break.

Focus on foreplay: When participating in sexual activities, penetrative sex does not always have to be the goal! Spending time on oral or sensual touching can help delay an orgasm which can be a great reason to focus more time on foreplay. Less than 20% of people with vaginas report experiencing an orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, so incorporating more foreplay can result in more enjoyment for you and your partner!

What is edging?

Great question! Edging refers to the practice of bringing oneself or a partner to the “edge” of orgasm, then deliberately stopping or slowing down just before climax.

So why do some people practice edging? For some, the goal is to extend the sexual experience, build up greater arousal, and ultimately intensify the orgasm. People may edge during masturbation or partnered sex, and it can be done by anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

There are several benefits to edging. For example, some have found that edging can increase the intensity of their orgasm. It can also be a way to explore new activities, sensations, and techniques, which can help individuals learn more about what brings them pleasure. This practice can foster communication between partners, offering opportunities to discuss sexual preferences, boundaries, and desires in a positive, exploratory way. For some, edging may be an activity explored in BDSM or kink scenes - where one partner, typically referred to as the dominant”, may intentionally “edge” another (sometimes referred to as a “submissive”) as a means of controlling their orgasm (of course, as part of a consensual, pre-agreed upon dynamic).

Finally, people who experience premature ejaculation may find edging helpful, as it allows them to gain better control over their arousal, potentially increasing the duration of sexual activity before reaching orgasm.

It’s important to remember, however, that everyone’s sexual preferences are unique. Not everyone enjoys or is interested in edging – some may find it uncomfortable or frustrating. This is completely okay! The key is finding what feels good and fulfilling for you and your partner(s)!

I recently received a gloveBOX Non-Latex Box that contained Astroglide X Silicone Lubricant which is not compatible with polyisoprene non-latex condoms.

Thank you for reaching out and checking in! Please rest assured that silicone lubricant in fact IS compatible with latex & non latex condoms (including polyisoprene, polyurethane, and nitrile). You can even visit the Astroglide website and click "Condom Compatibility" to verify. In fact, most condoms, including non-latex, are pre-lubricated with silicone lubricant, v.s. water-based, which has the tendency to dry out more quickly. Silicone lubricant is safe for oral, anal, and vaginal sex.

There is a trace amount of cocos nucifera (coconut) oil in the X blend. Please note, however, that it is a very trace amount and is not the base of the lubricant, and is simply an additive and that lots of testing, especially with large companies such as Astroglide, occurs to be able to verify and advertise that they are condom safe.

Lubricants that have a true oil base are not compatible with condoms, and can degrade and break down latex or non-latex materials. SHaW does not provide oil-based lubricants to our students, and only provides lubricants that are condom safe.

If there are any concerns about safety & compatibility in regards to lubrication, condoms, and/or sex toys, please email our manager at cassy@uconn.edu so she can return your concern directly! 🙂

I have never been able to have an orgasm and I don't know what else to try at this point. I've tried different types of vibrators, positions, I've even talked to a gynecologist and didn't get any helpful suggestions. What do I do?

Thank you so much for asking this question! First, it is completely normal to never have had an orgasm. Up to 15% of people have never had an orgasm – and many more do not orgasm from penetration. However, we know that it might feel frustrating after trying various solutions.

There are many things that could be playing a role in why you may be struggling to orgasm, whether that be physical discomfort or more mental barriers such as frustration, anxiety or shame. Rest assured, if having an orgasm is something that is important to you, there are options!

First, try to let go of any pressure you might have on yourself to have an orgasm. While it’s easier said than done - not all sex needs to include an orgasm for it to be fulfilling! Try to focus your sexual experience, whether partnered or through masturbation, on feeling the most pleasure. By reducing this pressure, you may feel more relaxed and in tune with yourself sexually. This change in perspective may help you put expectations of orgasm aside and focus on what make you feel good, whether or not that leads to orgasm! Communicate this with your partner(s) too - let them know you're focusing on pleasure v.s. orgasm, to take the pressure out of the situation.

Sometimes people report inability to orgasm as a result of medications such as certain anti-depressants, such as SSRIs. If you are unsure of whether or not a medication you are taking can make having an orgasm more difficult, consult with your provider. They may be able to provide an alternate medication that does not have those side effects, or may be able to recommend some other alternative. But remember – it’s very important to not discontinue use of medication without speaking with your provider.

Elevated stress can also have a negative impact on libido and consequently, ability to orgasm. When we are stressed out our body produces cortisol which can negatively affect our ability to get aroused. If participating in partner sex, make sure that you feel safe and comfortable with them as that will help reduce any feelings of stress when you are in the moment! Even outside of sex—finding ways to decrease stress has so many health benefits!

If you're still struggling, continue exploring different vibrators and positions like you have been! There are so many different types of sex toys and vibrators (for a brief overview from Planned Parenthood, click here), and you never know which might do the trick.

What is girthmaxing?

You may have seen the recent viral trend “looksmaxxing” which encompasses a range of different body standards aimed at young people, especially targeting young men. Part of this set of trends includes “girthmaxxing” -- trying to increase the size of the penis. Unfortunately, this kind of content can put negative and unrealistic body standards onto young people and cultivates an attitude that they should always be seeking to elevate or ‘max out’ their physical potential. This messaging can create harmful dissatisfaction in one’s body image, and result in feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. Penises come in a wide range of sizes, and all of them are perfectly normal!

The short answer is that while “girthmaxxing” is not realistic, if you’re interested in maintaining healthy sexual function and erections, there are a few different factors that can contribute to more pleasurable sex, regardless of penis size! Sexual arousal involves the brain, hormones, emotions, nerves, muscles, and blood vessels, so maintaining your overall health with regular exercise, hydration, sleep, and nutrition is the best way to maintain your body’s optimal sexual arousal response. This will not make your penis size any bigger, but it may contribute to experiencing satisfying erections for your natural penis size. Things like alcohol use, tobacco use, medications, illness, or even poor sleep can result in weaker erections, so it’s important to remember that erections might fluctuate, and that’s normal too. Rather than focusing on unrealistic ways to increase your penis size, it’s probably more worthwhile to take care of yourself in a way that will lend itself to healthy sexual function as well as a healthy body image!

If you would like to discuss topics like sexual function, body image, or anything else related to sexual wellness, feel free to visit our Peer Support Drop-In Hours to talk to a Sexpert in a non-judgmental space!

My girlfriend and I have been together & exclusive for a couple years. We lost our virginities to each other and don’t have much experience with other people. Recently, we have been talking about exploring our sexuality, and possibly bringing someone else into the bedroom. How should we go about this & protect each others feelings and boundaries? We’re also looking for recommendations on some small steps we can take.

This is a great question! Exploring new aspects of your sexuality can be an exciting and fulfilling journey for you and your girlfriend to take together. It's important to approach it with clear and direct communication, trust, consent, and respect for each other’s feelings, boundaries, needs, and wants.

You might first consider having an open and honest conversation about your desires, fantasies, and boundaries with your partner. To make sure you both feel comfortable expressing your thoughts and concerns, be as candid as possible! Discuss your motivations behind wanting to explore this aspect of your relationship—yours may be different from your partner’s, and it’s important to understand that that is okay. You might also want to clearly define the boundaries you are both comfortable with. Talk about what is off-limits, what you want to try together, and what you might want to try on your own.

It is also important to consider the needs, desires, and boundaries of whoever you are opening the relationship up to. Have a conversation with a potential partner or partners about what they are looking for in a relationship! You may find that it is a big adjustment to be in a relationship (whether it's sexual, romantic, or both) with multiple people even if they are different kinds of relationships. Additionally, it is important to be aware of your position in an established couple and make sure that all partners prioritize communication and feel open to expressing how they feel.

As you learn more about yourself and what kinds of relationships work best for you, you may run into unexpected feelings. That is perfectly normal! It is important to note that yours and/or your girlfriend’s needs may change over time, and you should talk about those changes. It is always a good idea to talk about these experiences they come up—you should always prioritize each other’s feelings and well-being and take each step at a pace that feels right for both of you. If anyone in the relationship expresses discomfort or changes your mind, be prepared to adjust accordingly.

It might also be worthwhile to research different relationship structures and ethical non-monogamy. Understanding the dynamics involved can provide insights into potential challenges and how to navigate them. Books such as "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, and "Polywise"/"Polysecure" by Jessica Fern are two excellent resources if you are curious about non-monogamy.

If you ever want to talk relationships and sex with a member of the UConn Sexperts, visit our Peer Support Drop-In Hours—linked here. We’d love to have you!

Is it normal to be attracted to someone's butt more than their genitals or breasts?

It’s perfectly normal to be sexually attracted to different parts of the body and/or physical features!

Attraction varies widely from person to person, and can be influenced by a wide variety of psychological, biological, and social factors, ranging from adrenaline, scent, personality, the media we consume (including pornography), our culture, etc.

What some people may consider to be a big turn on, others may have little interest in. It’s all a matter of personal preference. There are so many ways to appreciate different types of bodies!

I am interested in having sex with my boyfriend, but I am not on birth control and don't know a lot about preventative measures because I was always taught that abstinence was the best way in school. I was just wondering if you could point me toward some resources or someone to talk to about that. I am also concerned about how much it would cost, and the resources UConn would offer.

Thanks so much for asking! There is so much information about sexual health that it can sometimes feel overwhelming finding a place to start. Thankfully, you came to the right place! The UConn Sexperts offer non-judgmental resources including information, safer sex supplies, and support.

While it is true that abstinence prevents pregnancy and STIs, teaching that as the only option can leave people without accurate information about their bodies and safer sex practice. We are here to empower you to make choices that feel right for you! If you and your partner(s) have decided to start having sex, it’s a good idea to get info on make it safer and more pleasurable!

Birth control comes in many different forms and is an effective way to prevent pregnancy. Some of the most popular methods of birth control include: The Pill (combination estrogen and progestin, or progestin only), the Patch, the Shot, the Ring, the IUD (copper or hormonal), or the Implant (Nexplanon). You may find that one type of birth control is more suited to your needs and lifestyle than another. Birth control pills (sometimes referred to as OCPs, or oral contraceptive pills) are usually taken daily and do not require a procedure or injection. If you are looking for something that you can “set and forget” you may prefer a long-term option like an IUD or Implant. There are also options like the Depo-Provera shot which can be administered every three months, or patches which may be replaced every few days.

Other non-prescription contraceptive strategies include the Fertility Awareness Method (tracking your ovulation days and abstaining from sex on those days) or the withdrawal method (aka pulling out), however these methods require practice and are typically less effective than prescription forms of birth control.

If you are looking for a prescription type of birth control through UConn Student Health and Wellness, you can make an appointment with a SHaW provider by calling 1-860-486-4700. Please be advised that SHaW does not offer IUDs on-site, but can refer you to a local provider!

Remember, birth control only protects against pregnancy, not sexually transmitted infections. Using a barrier like an internal or external condom during penetrative sex helps decrease risks of both STIs and pregnancy. When used regularly in combination with birth control, condoms are great to better protect yourself and your partner(s). You can order up to 60 free condoms a semester through this resource available to students through the gloveBOX program.

We hope that this information gives you a good place to start! If you have any other questions please feel free to stop by our Peer Support drop-in hours or speak to a SHaW provider!

Is it okay to stay friends with an ex?

If that’s something that works for both of you, then yes! There’s nothing wrong with staying friends with someone you used to be in a relationship with, regardless of whether the relationship was romantic, sexual, both, or somewhere in-between. People decide all the time that they make better friends than romantic partners. Despite much of the social messaging, friendly breakups don't have to be awkward! Of course, if there has been hurt, disrespect, mistreatment or mis-matched feelings about the breakup, you or your ex might not want to stay in contact, and that is completely ok. It is also perfectly normal if you change your mind about what kind of contact you may want to maintain. At the end of the day, as long as everyone is happy with how the relationship progressed, it isn’t weird, wrong, or suspicious for someone to remain friends with an ex after an amicable breakup.

If you ever want to talk about relationships with a member of the UConn Sexperts, our drop-in hours are linked here!

Does UConn provide free IUDs?

Currently, birth control options available directly through SHaW include: the Pill, Patch, Shot, and Ring. These options can be prescribed by a SHaW provider and are typically billed through insurance or paid out of pocket. Students seeking an IUD (either copper or hormonal), or the Implant would be able to access a referral through SHaW, can speak to their provider, or get an IUD through a local Planned Parenthood. Again, it would depend on your insurance or if you choose to pay out of pocket what the cost of your IUD would be.

If you have questions on how to decide what contraceptives may be right for you but don’t know where to start, feel free to visit the UConn Sexperts Drop-In Hours to get information about the different types of contraceptives, and resources to speak with providers.

To prevent pregnancy and better protect yourself from STIs, check out gloveBOX! Students can order up to 20 free condoms 3x a semester for delivery (on campus students) or pick up (off campus students).

Me and my boyfriend both have penises, and it hurts when we try to have penetrative sex. How can we work through this so that it does not hurt?

Good question! There are plenty of things that you can do to enhance pleasure for yourself and your partner when engaging in penetrative anal sex. First and foremost, it is important that there is open communication between partners regarding comfort and discomfort. If anal sex becomes painful, it is a good idea to stop and check in with your partner(s).

Using silicone-based lubrication for penetrative anal sex can increase pleasure because it lasts longer and does a better job minimizing friction compared to water-based lubrications. You may find that changing the type of lubricant may increase pleasure for you both!

It is important to note that silicone lubes do risk breaking down silicone toys. So, if you are using a sex toy during anal sex, make sure that you are not using a silicone toy with a silicone-based lubricant. Some alternate materials for toys include glass and body safe metals. Additionally, keep in mind oil-based lubricants break down condoms, which leads to an increased risk of the condom breaking.

It can be difficult to work up to penetrative sex. You and your partner(s) may want to consider digital penetration (fingering), oral sex (also called rimming) and/or smaller anal toys as part of foreplay before moving on to penile-anal penetration.

If you still find that there is discomfort with this particular type of sexual activity, you may want to try products like the Ohnut, which is a series of flexible rings worn by the penetrating partner that acts as a buffer to help reduce pain during penetrative sex.

Ultimately, if penetrative anal sex is not something that you find pleasure - that’s fine too! It can give you and your partner(s) an opportunity to learn something about what kinds of sexual activities you enjoy!

Can I get birth control without a parent's permission?

Great question! In Connecticut, you do not need parental consent to obtain prescription birth control - at any age. Students at UConn can make an appointment with a provider at SHaW if they interested in forms of birth control such as the Pill, Shot, Patch, IUD, Implant, or Ring.

However, if you plan to use your insurance to cover the costs of your birth control, be aware that insurance services will list the billing code attached to the services received. If you are still on your parents' insurance, keep in mind that there is a possibility that the explanation of benefits will show a birth control consultation or prescription.

To maintain confidentiality, you might prefer to pay for these services out of pocket, although that can be quite costly. You could also opt to sign up for your own insurance plan, but again, there's a chance it's cheaper to remain on your parents' insurance until age 26.

If you have privacy concerns, a long-term form of birth control might be good option. An intrauterine device (IUD) can last anywhere from 3 to 12 years, and the Implant lasts for five. Choosing a long-term form will reduce the number of services and prescriptions needed. Or, you could opt for an over-the-counter option. Barrier methods, such as external and internal condoms are highly effective at preventing pregnancy. You can also purchase contraceptives which act as spermicide, like VCF (vaginal contraceptive gel), however it contains an ingredient called nonoxynol-9, which can cause irritation and lead to increased risk of STIs.

If you need access to free condoms during the school year, the UConn Sexperts provide a service called gloveBOX where you can access 20 free condoms at a time! Check out the link below! gloveBOX | Student Health and Wellness (uconn.edu)

Are there free, same day STI tests available at SHaW? How do I make an appointment?

Just like other types of appointments at Student Health and Wellness, all STI testing requires an appointment. While same day appointments are not guaranteed, our schedulers will always do our best to get you an appointment as soon as possible!

SHaW does occasionally offer free sexually transmitted infection (STI) testing events in the Hilda May Williams building! You do need to make an appointment for these clinics, so keep an eye on SHAW’s website to see when they are scheduled every semester. There are also semi regular testing events for HIV and Hepatitis C held through the UConn Rainbow Center.

If you feel you may have been exposed to an STI or are exhibiting symptoms, you can make an appointment by calling (860)-486-4700. This testing will be billed through your insurance and will display the insurance billing code associated with the tests.

Keep in mind that if you believe you have been exposed to a sexually transmitted infection, it's not always recommended to be tested the day after. Many STIs are not detected by a test for a few weeks after exposure, and testing before this timeframe may result in a false negative. Below is a list of common STIs and the "window period" (the phase between being exposed to an infection and the time when a test can detect it in the system):

Chlamydia: Between 1 and 5 days.
Gonorrhea: Between 2 and 6 days.
Syphilis: Between 3 and 6 weeks.
HIV: Depends on the test, but generally 30-90 days.
Herpes: 16 weeks (however, herpes generally does not need a test for a diagnosis - if you experience symptoms such as sores, visit a provider - they can make a diagnosis based on physical exam).
Hepatitis C: 6 weeks
Trichomoniasis: Between 3 and 7 days.

If you have more specific questions, please make use of the UConn Sexpert’s Peer Support Drop-In hours! We are here to help you get answers to any questions about relationships, having difficult conversations, and sexual health that you may have, so stop on by!

Does it matter whether someone is circumcised or not? Is one “better” than the other?

Great question! Around 2/3 of people with penises worldwide are uncircumcised, and while circumcision is more common in the U.S. then some other countries, there are minimal differences in pleasure and effects on your health as long as you are practicing good hygiene and safer sex. There’s no right or wrong way to have a body!

Some people may feel unsure or apprehensive about how to approach sex with either someone who is circumcised or uncircumcised, if they have only seen or experienced sex with someone with one type of penis. Our past experiences, religion and culture, and the media we view can all impact attitudes about circumcision as well. For example, media, including pornography, often depict penises as always circumcised, which can also impact what we view as "the norm". However, sex with someone who is circumcised is not that different from sex with someone who is uncircumcised! Depending on whether someone is circumcised or not, they may feel sensation differently. Additionally, people with foreskins may prefer to roll their foreskin back before condom use. As always, ask your partner(s) how they prefer to have their genitals stimulated.

Myth: Most penis-owners are circumcised.

Fact: While common in the United States and within the Christian, Jewish, and Muslim communities worldwide, only 37-39% penis-owners are circumcised globally.

Myth: Uncircumcised penises are unhygienic.

Fact: Uncircumcised penises are not inherently unhygienic! People who are not circumcised, should, however, take extra care to wash the head of their penis and underneath their foreskin to prevent the buildup of smegma (which is a buildup of skin cells and oil).

Myth: Uncircumcised folks are more likely to have infections.

Fact: Transmission risk of some STIs, like HIV or genital herpes, is slightly lower for circumcised folks. However, this risk can be mitigated by practicing barrier methods (such as condoms) to lower the chances of contracting or transmitting any STI’s. Uncircumcised individuals have a slightly higher risk of contracting UTI’s, which can be reduced by practicing good hygiene.

Myth: Circumcision cause sexual dysfunction

Fact: Circumcision does not cause sexual dysfunction, the ability to reach an erection, or have children. Some studies suggest that circumcision does not affect sexual pleasure, sensitivity, however, some conflicting studies and critics of circumcision suggest that removal of the foreskin can impact sensitivity because of the number of nerve endings located in the foreskin.

Regardless of what kind of body you have, one is not “better” than another! Talking to your partner(s) about their preferences may be an awkward conversation to start – but it can increase pleasure for everyone involved!

Does everyone experience sexual desire?

Many people consider sexuality and sexual desire to be a part of their lives and identities. However, everyone experiences their relationship to sexual desire differently!

For some people, sex is something they think about a lot and they may experience stronger and more frequent sexual desire or arousal This may be referred to as having a “higher libido” or a higher “sex-drive” – and this refers to physiological state, such as experiencing vaginal lubrication or erections. Others may experience no sexual desire at all, or find it difficult to become aroused. There are individuals who have a lower sex drive, or desire sex more infrequently or less intensely. It is also normal to find yourself somewhere in the middle of this spectrum, or you may even find that your sexual desire changes over time, or is more fluid!

It's also important to note that libido is different from sexual attraction to someone. Sexual attraction refers to a feeling people have when they find someone or something sexually appealing to them. Sexual attraction is what may motivate people to have sex or act on.

People who are asexual or consider themselves to be on the asexual spectrum may not experience sexual attraction to others, or only experience sexual attraction within the context of certain relationships, but can still experience sexual arousal, or even have high libidos! However, without the attraction component, the desire to have sex may be minimal.

Wherever you may fall in terms of libido levels or sexual attraction, you are valid! If you ever want to talk about questions related to sexual health or need a non-judgmental space to discuss topics related to sex and sexuality, please feel free to visit the Sexperts during Peer Support Drop-In hours!

Is it normal for my boyfriend to want to go down on me and not have sex? Sometimes he tells me “it’s all about me” and just wants to perform oral.

It has been normalized to define “sex” as penetrative sex, but oral sex is a very common sexual activity that many people find just as, if not more, pleasurable. It’s important to acknowledge that there is nothing abnormal about your boyfriend’s sexual desires or preferences. For some, performing oral sex is fun even if there is no expectation for the act to be reciprocated – and it sounds like your partner enjoys it! If receiving oral sex is something you like as well, then lay back, relax, and enjoy!

If you‘re concerned because it doesn’t feel as “mutual” as other types of sex, or if it feels awkward having all the attention on you, that’s also understandable! If you find that you get more enjoyment from other activities, it may be a good opportunity to talk with your partner about other sexual activities you prefer or may want to try. And, if ultimately find that receiving oral sex is not something you enjoy at all, having an honest conversation about the types of sexual activities you DO enjoy can help make a more pleasurable experience for both you and your partner(s)!

Sometimes it can feel difficult (or even scary!) to ask for what we want sexually. Not sure how to get started? Here are some examples to get the conversation going!

“I love that you get so turned on by going down on me – but what I’d really like right now is (insert activity here) how does that sound?”
“It feels so good when you do that, but I’m more in the mood for (insert activity here) what do you think?”
“I’m not really feeling this right now – is it cool if we try something else?”
“What do you think about switching things up tonight, and (insert activity here) for a little bit instead?”

Learning what each other likes sexually requires ongoing communication and can take time, but ultimately can lead to deeper and more intimate connections with partner(s)!

Can you get pregnant if when dry humping, one partner ejaculates in his underwear while the other partner gets some on her underwear, while on top of him? Can semen travel through both partners underwear?

Great question! Rest assured that the chances of getting pregnant from dry humping a.k.a. a form of “outercourse” are very, very, VERY slim. However, it is still important to note that any sexual activity where ejaculation occurs and involves semen coming in contact with the vagina could result in pregnancy.

In a situation like the one you described where both partners are clothed, the risk is almost 0%. There would have to be some additional (and unlikely) mechanics at play (i.e., there would need to be prolonged contact from the semen through the clothing, onto the vulva, and then additional activities like fingering or thrusting to move the semen into the vagina). The risk of pregnancy can increase if there was bare genital contact, or from someone fingering a partner after getting semen on their hands or on a sex toy, but again, the semen would need to move past the vulva INTO the vagina in order to cause a pregnancy. Further, the risk levels change depending on whether or not you are ovulating (when you are most fertile).

While it’s not impossible that dry humping (with ejaculation) can result in pregnancy, it is super unlikely. But, if you are concerned about the risk, it could be helpful to consider birth control and contraceptive options available to you!

In addition, it may be beneficial to speak with your partner or ask that they finish elsewhere to avoid this concern in the future. If you are feeling conflicted about experiences like this and ever need a supportive place to talk through your concerns with a peer health educator, please feel free to utilize the Sexpert’s Peer Support Drop-In hours!

Peer Support Drop-In Hours

Peer Support Drop-In Hours are a new, free service offered by peer health educators, the UConn Sexperts, on the UConn Storrs campus!

Peer Support Drop-In Hours are a great option for students who have questions about sex and sexual health, are looking for a non-judgmental, laid-back environment to discuss a sex related concern or issue, or are interested in improving their sexual health and personal well-being. Our UConn Sexperts undergo extensive training in various topics of sexual health, and have been trained in evidence-based approaches to peer support. The UConn Sexperts are supervised by a SHaW professional staff member and are required to attend weekly staff meetings for continuing education. UConn Sexperts (and supervising staff) are exempt employees under UConn's Title IX Reporting Obligations.

Fall 2024 Drop In Hours: Wilson Hall Room 124

August 26th - September 13th

Mondays	11am-4pm
Tuesday	5:30pm-6:30pm
Wednesdays	10:30am-12:30pm
Thursdays	1pm-5pm
Fridays	N/A

September 16th - December 6th

Mondays	11am-4pm
Tuesday	3:00pm-6:30pm
Wednesdays	10:30am-6:30pm
Thursdays	3:30pm-6:30pm
Fridays	10:30am-5:00pm

During our drop-in hours the UConn Sexperts are trained to provide:

Education, including:	A supportive environment for discussion surrounding:	Connections to UConn SHaW & off-campus resources, including:
Birth control	First-time sexual experiences/debuts	STI Testing
Safer-sex strategies	Dating, relationships and communication	Birth control consultation appointments
Sexually transmitted infections (STIs)	Sexual decision-making, boundaries, and consent	Pregnancy resources
	Sexual identity, gender identity, sexual orientation	PReP & PEP
	Living with a sexually transmitted infection (STI)	HPV and mpox vaccinations
	Pleasure	LGBTQ+ specific sexual health services
	BDSM/Kink	Gender-affirming care
	Ethnical non-monogamy	Sexual assault victim/survivor support

Peer support sessions are for educational and support purposes only. Peer support visits are not on-call or emergency services, and are not for individualized medical advice, nor are they counseling or therapy.

If you are experiencing an emergency or mental health crisis, please call 911.
If you are struggling with a mental health issue that is severely impacting your well-being, please reach out to SHaW – Mental Health at 860-486-4705 to schedule an appointment, or call our 24/7 hotline at 833-308-3040.
To make an appointment with a medical care provider, please call SHaW – Medical Care at 860-486-4800.
If you've experienced sexual harassment, sexual assault, stalking, or intimate partner violence, we encourage you to seek support. If you'd like more information about support resources and reporting options, please click here.

If you wish to make an appointment with a professional staff member to discuss sexual health related concerns, or were referred to do so by a UConn Sexpert, please click here to schedule an appointment with Program Manager for Sexual Health and Peer Education Initiatives, Cassy Setzler.

Programs By Request

The UConn Sexperts provide several educational programs and presentations for student groups. These presentations cover a wide variety of topics, ranging from safer-sex practices (i.e. condom use), birth control/contraception, decision-making, consent, pleasure, and more! Some of the groups we work with often include Greek Life, Residential Life, & cultural centers. For a list of our current offerings, and to book a program, visit the Student Health and Wellness program request form by clicking here!

Signature Events

Condom-a-thon (November/December): Hosted for over 15 years, Condom-a-thon is held on or around World AIDS Day (December 1st) at Late Night in the Student Union. Our UConn Sexperts teach participants a safer sex skill, such as how to use a condom, or how to turn a condom into a dental dam. All participants receive a free Dairy Bar ice cream! This year's event will be on December 1st, 2023!

Annual Sexual Health and Wellness Fair (April): Student Health and Wellness, along with support from USG, hosts an annual Sexual Health and Wellness Fair each year in April, where various UConn & community groups and organizations come together to provide students with resources and education about sexual health! Our 3rd Annual Sexual Health & Wellness Fair will be on Monday, April 15th, 2024 from 1pm-5pm in the Student Union Ballroom! Please visit our fair website for more information about our upcoming event and to view resources from past fairs.

Become a UConn Sexpert!

Meet the Sexperts

Name: Ari Fandozzi
Pronouns: she/her/hers
Semester: 7
Semester as a Sexpert: 4
Major: Psychology
Hobbies: Working out, hiking, listening music, hanging out and chatting with friends
Why the UConn Sexperts? I wanted to join Sexperts because I am really passionate about educating our generation about proper sex education. The curriculum in high school failed us as a whole as the majority were abstinence based and maybe mentioned contraceptives. I think that everyone should be able to have comprehensive sex education that is inclusive and extensive because a lot of my sex education left me confused and needing to know more.

Name: Claire Murphy
Pronouns: she/her/hers
Semester: 7
Semester as a Sexpert: 5
Major: Molecular & Cell Biology
Hobbies: Acting, dancing, baking, rock painting, and going to the beach
Why the UConn Sexperts? I am very interested in public health and health education. I believe that sexual health is an important aspect of healthcare because is affects our physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. Everyone deserves access to sexual health knowledge and resources, so I am really excited to promote sexual health education and help other students on campus!

Name: Charlise (Charli) Levesque
Pronouns: she/they
Semester: 7
Semester as a Sexpert: 1
Major: Communications
Hobbies: Hiking, Gaming, Painting, and Playing TTRPGs with friends!
Why the UConn Sexperts? I found the sexperts through a Health Communication class I was taking and realized how rewarding it was to work alongside such an open-minded and warm community. Now I am looking forward to sharing, educating, and fostering a safe space for sexual health and conversations about sex to counter any stigmas about the topic

Name: Riley Fields
Pronouns: she/her
Semester: 3
Semester as a Sexpert: 1
Major: Human Development and Family Studies
Hobbies: Jewelery-making, movies, hiking, baking, listening to music, weight-lifting
Why the UConn Sexperts? I believe working with the Sexperts is a great opportunity to collaborate with peers in a safe space while educating ourselves and each other about sexual health. I also want to be a relationship and sex therapist when I'm older, and I believe working as a Sexpert will be a great base for that.

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